These spaces are “private” in the fact that they belong to someone and are not an official venue, but a hundred men may pass through them in a night. You’d be amazed how many guys can fit into a New York City apartment. Some sex parties in private spaces are huge.
Know the rules of where and how you play. If you put yourself in a similar situation, don't expect people to ask. The risk and thrill of this is awesome, and the mood would be ruined if someone bent down and whispered, "May I fuck you?" Him asking is nice, but the answer ("yes") is obvious by being in that situation. Doing so hands over consent to strangers I can't see. One of my favorite things to do is go to a sex club, hop in a sling, and put on a blindfold. Understand these various and complex rules around consent and forfeiture (when and where consent is given, when and where it is forfetied) and respect the sex people enjoy. If you step into a lights-out backroom, you forfeit consent and submit yourself to be touched by people you can't see by simply being there. If there's very little discussion happening (most sex parties will not have much talking), consent may be given non-verbally. Many people enjoy group scenes that they call "gang rape," even though what they enjoy is nothing like rape, just rough group sex. That is the core principle of kink: play must be consensual, even if it appears not to be. All submissive/dominant sex scenes and BDSM scenes toy with degrees of power exchange and consensual surrender. Many people (including me) enjoy sex that feels noncensual, even if it is. If there is no dominant, and he's there by his own volition, he's still forfeiting a degree of consent (especially if he's blindfolded), but if he says stop, you must stop.
By being in that situation, some degree of consent has been forfeited - handed over - by him to someone else, so ask permission of the person it’s been given to. If you’re going to a kinky dungeon party and a submissive is tied and gagged and getting fucked by a group of guys, ask who is his dominant before fucking him, since his consent has been handed over to someone else. We enjoy these spaces for their anonymity, but they can be frightening to people who don’t understand their purpose. A blacked-out, lights-off room, for instance, invites groping from people you can’t see. In certain sex spaces, some consent is forfeited with the act of entering them. They may be lights-off, or they may require hoods or other gear that obscures features. They are structured with the intent of keeping the identities of everyone present relatively secret. Prepare polite ways to refuse, and state what you’re comfortable with without any judgement. If you’re sober, or if there are some substances you’ll accept and others you don’t want to be around, prepare for this discussion. Some guys live in fantasies pretending drugs don’t exist, or that they can be avoided by staying away from “those people.” These guys contribute to a culture of erasure and stigma in which our brothers suffer, unaided and misunderstood.ĭon’t do that. If you make sex parties a regular part of your weekends, you will encounter substances. It's important to know that these risks are real.ĭon’t let the reality of drugs dissuade you from sex parties. These risks are true of all illicit substances, regardless if you use them at a sex party or your grandmother's Sunday luncheon. Two key risks in taking unregulated compounds (street drugs) is that you never know what you’re taking, and you don’t know how they’ll interact with each other. Here’s 55 dos and don’ts of attending a gay sex party. Get past your notions about who attends them (you’ll meet pros and first-timers, kinky and vanilla, old and young) and go to one. No matter the specifics, you're there to play. Sometimes the backroom/play area is tucked away near the bathrooms - a lights-out area you have the option of entering. Sometimes the party is one giant sex party. That led me to large dance/play parties, events with hundreds of guys in attendance: sweat fests and dark dance floors with slings off to one side. I liked the freedom and camaraderie of playing with others without pressure or expectation. After we separated, I became the third guy and played with couples across the country. The only problem with that, of course, is that it’s hard to agree on things as a couple - guys included. My boyfriend and I hit the bars seeking guys we both thought were cute.